During my journey of discovery and healing, Sean was always at my side – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
One on occasion he accompanied me to a support group meeting for adoption triad members. There we met not only adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive parents, but also their spouses. Like Sean, they had come along to provide support.
One young man, the husband of an adoptee, expressed how helpless he felt as his wife battled to deal with all the emotions that engulfed her. He admitted that sometimes he struggled to understand her pain, even though, as her husband, he experienced it almost first hand with her every day.
Sitting next to me, Sean nodded his head in agreement, now and then whispering a quiet “yes” as the young man spoke. Clearly he could relate to what the man was talking about.
In that moment I realised that I was not travelling my journey alone. The pain I felt was not limited to me , but also affected those close to me, especially my immediate family – my husband and children.
When I made the decision to write my book I asked Sean to contribute a chapter. I wanted him to write about his experience of my adoption journey – how he felt through it all and most importantly, how he dealt with it. I wanted Sean to speak so that others like him, whose unwavering support is indispensable, who feel our pain as they carry our burden with us, could feel heard.
I was not prepared for my reaction when I read Sean’s chapter. He wrote from the heart and his honesty moved me to tears. I had been so self-absorbed, so intent on what I was going through, that I never gave a minute’s thought to how he was being affected by it all. Yes, learning about your adoption as an adult is traumatic, but the trauma is not isolated. The spillover effect on those closest to us is considerable and as adoptees, we need to be aware of this.
Although our pain causes our loved ones pain, mostly they remain silent because their primary role is to provide support. How unselfish is this love.
Sean’s chapter is entitled A Little While of Winter, taken from Song of Solomon 2:10-12. A talented friend of mine put the words to music and recorded the song, which I gave it to Sean as a gift as our pain turned into healing:
My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past;
The rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of the singing of birds is come,
And the voice of the turtle-dove is heard in our land.
- Rod Stewart “Why I Gave My Daughter Up for Adoption” (sugarslam.com)
- To Search or Not to Search: Adoption Triad (socyberty.com)
- Why you don’t need to be afraid of your kid’s anger (thiswomanswork.com)
- Adoptees More Likely to be Troubled (time.com)
- Meeting – and losing – my birth father (theglobeandmail.com)
- Rod Stewart On The Daughter He Gave Up For Adoption (omg.yahoo.com)