I read Someone’s Daughter the same day (and part of the night) I received it in the post. It felt as if the 25 years between last seeing you and the present just disappeared! In my mind I was with you, the petite, pretty, happy and very positive girl at her Armscor desk working on a deadline for Pula!
I am truly sorry you had to go through all that pain and sadness but it is so obvious that you were not alone. In every sentence I read I felt God’s presence. You truly have a gift to bring Him alive in your writing. What a blessing! Please do not stop writing!
On behalf of all your readers, thank you for sharing your journey with us!
All I can say is WWOOOOOOWW. The reading is easy and straight from the heart. It is really one of those that I could not and did not want to put down. I finished it in a day.
This is an amazing testimony and will provide comfort, understanding and relief to many people. Hearty congratulations on completing it and also for having the courage to write it. I also salute Sean on his love, devotion and support through the “dark” times. It is also abundantly clear that Father God is so awesome in His love for all of us.
You are the only one that I know that has been able to accurately describe and articulate depression in such a realistic way (without the clinical jargon).
Thanks again for the real privilege of sharing in this part of your life. I do understand that it is a road to be run, but it is evident that you can see the direction of the finish line where Lord Jesus is waiting.
If ever I have read a cri de coeur this is it. The author, at the ripe old age of 37, discovered she had been adopted as a baby. Although the revelation came as a hammer blow, finally confirming her deepest suspicions, it only reinforced her determination to find out who she was, who her real mother and father were, and why she had been given up for adoption. The author is an accomplished journalist and made copious notes of her feelings and the events surrounding her determined search for her identity.
Someone’s Daughter then, is the record of that journey and details not only her anguish at finally finding out that she had been rejected at birth by her birth mother, but also how she was finally able to come to terms with the truth of her own birth.
All her life she had been tormented by her suspicions. Indeed, even as a child she fantasised about the possibility – or in her worst moments – the probability of being adopted, which over time became an intolerable emotional millstone, a cancer gnawing away inside her which came close to destroying everything she held dear.
Like most other non-adoptees, which I suspect is most of us, I had scant idea of the trauma that the prospect, or even the possibility, of being adopted induces in a child. I had always assumed – if indeed I had ever given it any thought – that the adopted child and her adoptive family celebrated their mutual love more or less on a daily basis, and if the child was made aware of its adoption, why perhaps a mild curiosity was aroused as to the circumstances surrounding its adoption. Not so, not at all. The need to know, everything, becomes paramount, overriding every other consideration, and in the author’s case, even her family was sacrificed at the altar of perceived rejection, and on her perceived lack of identity.
Crippled by ongoing uncertainty, she became depressed, seriously depressed, medically depressed, unable at times even to get out of bed, unable to do the simplest things for herself. Her family, her husband and her son and daughter, were caught up in this emotional roller coaster, unable to fully understand, they suffered, daily witnessing a beloved wife and mother in a near catatonic state of tearful collapse. And unable to help, they also cried.
Even when she finally finds out who her mother is and meets her after a lifetime of separation, and establishes the reason for her adoption, she still has to learn to let go. That she finally does is the happy climax of the book. Only then could the emotional healing start, and no doubt the overwhelming and glorious relief of her husband and children, not to mention her adoptive parents, who the author is at pains to point out she loves very much, indeed she couldn’t have wished for better parents.
It is a harrowing tale told exceptionally well. Although at times the tone is slightly hysterical, its honesty is fearsome, and even the despair is tangible. Nevertheless, throughout the tale runs the glittering thread of her strong Christian faith. And it is this redemptive faith which she shares with her husband and family that gives her – and them – the support that makes them all whole again.
If you’re adopted, read it, if you know any adoptees pass it on to them. It might just spare them the author’s own Dantesque journey into hell and back.
I never realised that being adopted has such a huge emotional impact on the person. I always thought that the birth mother is the person who is the most affected by the whole adoption process. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I would recommend the book to anyone who has not only gone through a similar experience, but who suffers from chronic depression, as I do. The description of Aurette’ s depression and how she and Sean deal with it is helpful and makes one realise that you do not suffer alone if you are depressed, but your family and friends suffer with you. But with a lot of tender care and a lot of prayerful counselling it is possible to conquer the mountain.
I believe that anyone can benefit from this inspirational and insightful book, not only adoptees and depression sufferers. The flowing style deals with many aspects, which I as reader would never have thought of, touching a person who longs for their own blood family.
Such a remarkable story could only have been written by someone with personal experience. I would personally like to thank Aurette’s parents for her outstanding upbringing, and Fred for the time and assistance he gave to her. And then to Sean, thank you for so lovingly supporting Aurette and for contributing your important closing chapter, which makes this book perfect.
Neels de Klerk
When my copy of Someone’s Daughter arrived I couldn’t wait to start reading it, and intended to read a chapter each evening before going to sleep. But once I started reading I couldn’t stop, and put all work and other things aside to read until I had finished.
Captured by Aurette’s journey through this very difficult time my tears flow unashamedly. Afterwards there were so many things to think about, so many lessons I am still pondering. Why this book has such an effect on me I do not know. Perhaps it is because I know about depression, having fought against it every day of my life.
I have again become aware of the fact that there is so much pain in life of which we are unaware, many times affecting people close to us. I also know that there are so many things I have to be joyful about, so many things for which to thank the Lord.
Aurette and Sean show unbelievable courage by opening up and speaking about their journey; thank you for that. I believe with my whole heart that Someone’s Daughter will help many people who are in the same position, as well as others who have to struggle through life’s journey as a result of things that happened which they did not orchestrate.
My special thanks to Sean for the last chapter. Without it, the book would have been incomplete. I have learned so much from this one chapter that I am going to read it again and again.
Have you read Someone’s Daughter? Please post your review here.
- Birth parents to break silence, share stories in support group (dispatch.com)
- National Adoption Awareness Month (chicagonow.com)
- Adoptees More Likely to be Troubled (time.com)
- On Adoption…Dear You Guys (betterinbulk.net)
- “National Adoption Month: Honoring First Families” and related posts (livesayhaiti.blogspot.com)