Birth-fathers Q&A

As an adoptee, I know very little about my birth-father. There is so much I would love to ask him but I doubt whether I’ll ever have the opportunity. So I’ve devised a list of questions for birth-fathers, and I’m hoping that your honest answers will provide some resolution for me…

  1. Did the birth-mother of your child tell you about her pregnancy?
  2. What was your reaction when you find out about she was pregnant?
  3. Did you stay in touch with her during her pregnancy?
  4. Where you in favour of your baby’s adoption?
  5. Was your permission for the adoption required by law?
  6. Did you see your child before he/she was given away?
  7. If you didn’t see your child, do you think doing so would have changed how you felt about the adoption?
  8. Over the years, did you ever think about the child you had fathered?
  9. Did you ever try to find out about or search for your child?
  10. Have you ever met your child?
  11. If not, would you like to?
  12. If you had an opportunity to do things differently, what would you change?
  13. If you married with a family today, do they know about your child?
  14. If not, why haven’t you told them?
  15. What are your views on the right of birth-fathers today?
  16. Any other comments you would like to provide?
  1. I received the following answers to my questions from a Facebook friend who is also a birth-father:

    1. The birth mother and I were engaged to marry at the time.
    2. I was a little scared at the prospect of becoming a father at the tender age of 24, but I loved my future wife and would not leave her.
    3. I visited her at Fatima House in Pretoria on week-ends.
    4. I was not at all in favour of the adoption and was legally powerless to stop it.
    5. My permission was not required for the adoption.
    6. I tried to see my future wife and our baby at the H.F.Verwoerd Hospital but was denied any form of access to them.
    7. To have held my son in my arms at the time would have overwhelmed me and I would most certainly have prevented anyone from taking my son away from me.
    8. Both my son and my daughter are my constant companions in my thoughts and in everything I do every day of my life.
    9. For some 34 years I have been searching for my son, and in earnest since 1987.
    10. I have never met my son.
    11. My crusade to find my son will only end when I finally meet him.
    12. As I have matured I have learnt that things are in God’s Hands, and that my Lord and Master will save me.
    13. My wife and her family know all about the loss of my 2 children.
    14. See answer on 13 above.
    15. I think the rights of birth-fathers today are a move in the right direction. The laws as they were applied in 1977 were cruel and draconian and relegated the man to the scrap-heap of society.
    16. I love my children and I need to be able to tell them so in person.

    • Holly Carter
    • May 30th, 2010


    Hope you don’t mind, but I’ll answer them for my dad. So please keep in mind, we haven’t know each other that long. So here goes.

    1. No. My grandmother had to tell my dad about my mother being pregnant with me.

    3. Yes, he took her to the home that she chose to go to and paid for the stay there for my birth mother.

    5. My dad didn’t have a say so in any of the situation.

    6. He wasn’t allowed to see me.

    8. Yes. My dad told me that he thought of me every day. Some days were worse than others.

    9. He said that he didn’t know what to do or how to find me. Wasn’t sure what he could do and the home told him to never try to find me.

    10. We have met by phone, and plan to meet in person someday, hopefully soon.

    11. Yes, we are planning on it!

    My dad is glad that the laws have changed and happy that the father has rights now. He is so happy that I took the time to search for him! We are in the process of building our relationship.

    Thanks for posting this!
    Take care!!

  1. March 2nd, 2011

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