Sharing with adoptive parents – a healing experience

It was with much anticipation, and not a little apprehension, that my husband Sean and I recently attended a support group for adoptive parents. I had been invited following the publication of Someone’s Daughter. The members of the group wanted me to share my experiences as an adoptee, which they hoped would give them insight into their own adopted children. 

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the group, or what they expected from me, but after Sean and I met our friendly hosts Jan and Luzonne Mentz and each subsequent family as they arrived, my nervousness melted away.

What an amazing group of people. Most are transracial adoptive parents, which in itself presents a host of challenges. Indeed, there was much excitement among the moms when someone produced a book on how to dress your (black) child’s hair.

But what impressed me most about this group was that they have so much love to give, especially to children who have been abandoned or whose mothers are unable to raise them for whatever reason. Even though they are fully aware of the myriad emotional and psychological issues surrounding adoption, and especially adoptees, they are willing to take them on fully, and are eager to learn as much as they can.

I spoke briefly about my own story, after which many were eager to ask questions, especially about what they could do to ease the load for the children when they started to probe their own biological roots.

I don’t know whether the information I provided was helpful, but what I do know is that the roughly three hours I spent in the company of these families was exceptionally healing for me. Just being in the presence of, and being able to talk to members of the adoption triad was amazing, and something I have been praying for for a long time.

All adoptive parents are special. Even God has a special place in his heart for those who take care of orphans, as they do. May He bless you and your children richly in the years to come.

Rest assured, I will be back.

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  1. I learned about your blog from Kevin’s interview that he posted on his blog. As an adoptive mom, I wish that my relationship with my daughter could be like it is now – where I’m just her mom and she’s just my daughter. She’s only 23 months old, so I know we’ll have many questions and emotions to deal with in the future, but for now, we’re just mother and daughter, no questions asked. I love her so much and could not love her more if I had carried her in my womb and given birth to her. I hope she will always know that is true.

    • Hi Kristin,
      Even biological children question their parents at some stage, and their relationship goes through a bit of turmoil. I know, because it happened with me and my daughter. But I think the most important thing to remember is how you deal with their questions – that will determine the quality of your relationship going forward. It’s very difficult, especially when they become teens, which is why I pray for wisdom every day.
      A

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